just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
