Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
