You just made me feel so damn special
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Less talking, more tequila
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
