my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize