I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize