Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
