im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
