I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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