I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
