we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
