In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
