oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
bring money and cleavage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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