I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize