whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
