i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
