Cold hands, warm shart.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
