my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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