I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
