Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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