i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
