38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
