Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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