OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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