Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
