so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
