Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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