She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
