it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
