Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
