the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
