I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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