I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
