I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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