did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
