oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Those nachos came to me in a dream
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
