how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
