I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Girls should come with a carfax report
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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