he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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