Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
In America we eat man semen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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