girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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