I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
