I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
