Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
