Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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