If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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