Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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