So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You pole danced in your parka.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
