Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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