I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
