He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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