I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
