And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize