I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
