Betty ford says i'm here all night
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
