so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
