You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
