bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
