i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
