return my video game
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
