oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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