i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
a search helicopter?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
