Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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