You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
