hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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