i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
