That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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