Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This baby is an asshole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
