i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
