I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
