So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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