i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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