Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
