Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
